I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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