so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This is my gift to your gina
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
