Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
