i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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