god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
