i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
