i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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