My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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