butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
