the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
