are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
