Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
