No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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