I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
