White coat. Heels.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
