The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
