Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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