There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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