We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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