I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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