Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
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Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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