So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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