remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
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6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
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Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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