you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
