Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
