I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
