btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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