my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
