He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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