HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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