Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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