I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
