well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
