I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
