Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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