She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
