Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
