I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
