i think i have two assholes
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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