I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
