and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
