Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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