I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i've created a new STD.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
