Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
