you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
