Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
