i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I could make wine with my vomit
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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