We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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