I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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