I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
