She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
