I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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