So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
