dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish you could order shots online.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
