I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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