he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
