As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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