I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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