Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
