He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
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I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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