Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
