and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
