so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
