fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
