Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
