when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i think i scared a bird with my dick
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
